There is this concept called fate. It is quite an elusive concept, there is no solid evidence that it even exists, and yet it is a concept which has been perpetuated by movies, books, plays, music, and even society. What would you say if you were asked to define fate? Would you say something along the lines of how if something were meant to happen then it would happen?
But, who determines what meant means? Who decides when something is meant to happen? A deity? The universe? If you subscribe to this way of thinking, then it is safe to say that you believe that there is some plan for your life and the lives of all those around you.
There is nothing necessarily wrong with this way of thinking. Each person is well within their rights to have their own philosophy to explain how their lives are governed. But, if you believe in fate, how does this thinking affect your relationships?
Are there couples that are meant to be?
If fate does truly govern the world, then it would not be a far stretch to think that there are some people who were meant to find each other. People who fit together just right. Relationships that just work. The media surely tries to make us believe that this is the way love and relationships work. But, upon inspection, does this even make sense?
Think back on your relationships, do you remember having to make an effort? Do you remember having to fight, having to argue, being hurt, hating the person you are dating while loving them at the same time? If you are a human being living on earth, then you definitely remember these things.
Does this mean that these relationships simply weren’t meant to be? This kind of thinking may offer broken-hearted people some comfort, but it takes away their power. It makes them think that they do not determine what happens in their life. That they are only along for the ride and that they are not steering the ship.
What if you rather thought about these failed relationships as learning curves? As opportunities to discover who you are as a person, what you want out of life and more importantly what you certainly do not want in a partner.
It is always your choice
This statement has been said so many times that it is verging on a cliché. But, there is a lot of validity in it if you take the statement and broaden it. Yes, you do always have a choice. There may be times when the choices are so limited that it may seem like there is only one option, but there is always a choice. When it comes to relationships, they do not just work because fate says that it is time for the relationship to work. It works because you make it work.
You choose to fight for the relationship. To not give up and to not give in. It is very easy to throw in the towel and to not put in the effort. But when you do this, and the relationship falls apart, you cannot blame it on fate. That was your choice. There are times when this was also the right choice.
There are two people in a relationship
The thing with fighting for a relationship is that you cannot fight alone. That is a losing battle. Your partner needs to be with you on the frontline. They need to be willing to stand up and not let things fall apart when you are doing the same thing.
If you find yourself fighting alone, persevering alone and prevailing alone, then maybe it is time to stop fighting. This is the time to choose to leave. Not to wait for a sign or to hope that things will work out. This is when you need to look at yourself and your relationship and to come to the realization that you deserve better.