It’s quite the taboo subject: sexless marriages. But they’re a lot more common than many of us might think. In fact, experts say that between 15 and 20 percent of couples are living in sexless marriages. That’s up to a fifth! It’s pretty common for our libido to have its ups and downs.
After all, life can offer all sorts of obstacles to having a regular sex life. A classic example is when a baby is born, but medical issues can also decrease sexual desire or make it impossible or inadvisable to have sex. Several medications also have an impact on desire, notably some types of anti-depressants.
People also differ in terms of how much sex they are content with, and there are some relationships in which both parties are perfectly happy to have little or no sex. However, for many couples, sex is an essential way of maintaining the relationship. Here are a few warning signs that your relationship is headed towards ‘no sex’ territory …
- You hardly ever touch each other
If you and your partner rarely touch each other both inside and outside the bedroom, this is a danger sign. Maybe you don’t kiss each other hello and goodbye anymore. Maybe you never touch each other’s hands anymore.
- You’re uncomfortable talking about sex
According to experts, communication is the key to a healthy sex life. If you both avoid talking about sex, it’s likely your relationship will go through a sexless period.
- The kids take priority
It’s perfectly normal to devote all your attention and time to a newborn, but once the baby is a couple of months old, it’s time to turn at least some of your attention back to your relationship with your partner. Many couples find it almost impossible to go out on date nights for financial reasons. That said, there are ways of making sure you remain engaged and in touch with each other by taking an interest in things other than the kids.
If leaving the house isn’t possible and there’s no babysitter around, what about sitting next to each other on the couch and just chatting. Don’t talk about the kids. Think of other things that interest you. What about planning a trip away for when the baby’s a bit easier to manage. Or better yet, a trip without the baby to get the passions stoked.
- You act like housemates
At the start of a relationship, we usually put a lot of effort into looking good for our new mate. We make sure we wear flattering clothes, that we’re groomed and sweet-smelling for our new partner. But as time goes on, many of us start to relax our efforts in the looks department. This can lead to spending every day in unflattering sweats or other super-comfortable clothes that do nothing for your looks. Maybe our hair could do with washing a bit more often.
Pretty soon, you’re going to start feeling like house-mates rather than intimate partners. As an antidote to this, take a long, relaxing bath, dress up in something you feel good in, and make the most out of beautiful you. If you feel beautiful, you’re more likely to feel sensual and more open to sex. A fragrance is also a good way to add romance to a night at home or on the town. Try out your favorite fragrance or cologne, or massage aromatherapy oils into your skin after bathing.
That’s bound to get you and your partner in the mood. If you make a habit of dressing up a bit, no matter what gender you are, your partner will probably respond in kind. You could even set a date night where you both dress up and either stay in for a romantic dinner and take yourself out on the town. Either way, a change is as good as a holiday, and you’ll feel refreshed and more connected to each other.