If you are worried that your husband is losing interest in you, there is one key thing that you need to remember: he chose you to be his wife. Out of his ex-girlfriends and “potentials” out there, he chose to spend the rest of his life with you and only you.
However, marriage implies “commitment,” which does not only translate to fidelity but most importantly, it is a commitment to maintaining and growing the attraction, the spark, while you mature in your emotional connection with each other.
According to Matthew Hussey, relationship guru and author of the book, “How to Get the Guy,” real attraction occurs when there is sexual chemistry, emotional connection, and respect. Healthy and successful relationships should always have all three. It doesn’t matter whether you are just dating or are already married. As a matter of fact, attraction is something any couple should continue to nurture as they move forward and mature in their relationship.
So what are the top 5 most common reasons why a married man can lose interest in the woman he chose to be his wife?
Insecurity, Jealousy, Lack of Trust
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity, low self-esteem, and lack of self-confidence, which can cause a strain and even end a relationship. It is one thing to say and want to hear the words, “I love you,” but it is another to get totally worked up and worried if your partner does not say it as often as you would like them to. You have to remember that people express love in many different ways. A good book to read on this subject is “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.
Confidence boosts attraction while insecurity kills it. Imagine having a friend who you constantly have to assure and re-assure, every day, that you are still friends and that you love and accept them as they are. It can get very tiring and worse, unhealthy for both of you. At this point, it is no longer a friendship – it is now a toxic relationship, as your friend becomes more dependent while you begin to see your friend in a “less attractive” way.
Remember, your husband chose you. He envisioned himself spending the rest of his life with you. You are in charge of your self-esteem and self-confidence, hence, the word “self.” Surely, there are better ways to spend your time with your spouse than having him assure you that he loves and wants to be with you.
You Stop Taking Care of Yourself
Do you remember when you met for the first time? Planning ahead, deciding on your make-up, what to wear, shoes that match, how to wear your hair, the perfect amount of perfume and lotion. You think ahead on what you would talk about so that you are the right combination of interesting, funny and intellectual.
Granted that when you are married, you see each other every day, and you have many other obligations (especially if you have kids), but this does not mean that you should be complacent and let things go because you are busy, tired and simply do not have the time. It is because you are busy and tired that you have to find the time to take care of yourself – first and foremost, for you. This is not just about attraction or intimacy, but it is also about taking care of yourself because you want to be healthy and be around for your partner and your kids.
When you are physically healthy, you feel good and you look good. You feel confident and when you have confidence, you remain attractive, in all respect. You can read books, learn new hobbies, etc., so you can have other interesting things to talk about – you need to carve out a time for yourself. This is as crucial to your own health as it is to the health of your marriage.
You Stop Growing
Marriage is a partnership and it is two independent souls who are individually whole that bring value to each other, their relationship and their family.
Moving forward in life implies maturation, growing up mentally, emotionally and spiritually as an individual and as a couple. This implies maturation. For instance, spending your time wisely – balancing time for self-development and discovery and quality time with your spouse and your family.
Maturation in your relationship also requires flexibility, as opposed to rigidity – being able to make adjustments when necessary as well as communicating respectfully and lovingly to each other and most importantly, really listening to your partner.
Growing also implies continuously working on your interests and being open to your spouse’s interests, as well as allowing him to share yours.
One of the most common reasons why men lose interest in their partners is that they have become “boring.” It is important for women to not lose sight of their interests, their passion. This is a huge part of self-love and being a healthy human being. By doing so, you are also setting a good example for your kids.
When you have your own interests, you add value to your relationship as you become a more interesting person and partner.
Lack of Sexual Intimacy
Real attraction occurs when there is sexual chemistry, emotional connection, and respect. In a monogamous relationship, sexual intimacy is one of the keys to a successful relationship and there are certainly many ways to keep it exciting and fresh. Sexual intimacy fuels every aspect of your relationship – emotional connection, reinforces a feeling of security and validates the feeling of being attractive.
Sexual intimacy starts with you as a woman feeling “sexy” about yourself and this is related to being able to take care of yourself in every aspect. This also requires developing the confidence to initiate sex and conversations surrounding intimacy including exploring ways to make your sex life mutually interesting and satisfying. Nothing is more satisfying to a man than having his woman show signs of affection, initiate sex and make him feel attractive.
Lack of Respect and Appreciation
Desire, intimacy and emotional connection are also shown through showing your partner respect and appreciation. Unfortunately, not just in marriage, but in relationships in general, it seems much easier and “more natural” to vocalize complaints and dissatisfaction as opposed to genuine words of appreciation. Equally important to sexual intimacy is being able to express respect and appreciation for your partner.
Good men want to provide and make their partners happy. How many married women have lost their partners to less physically-attractive women and wondered what their partners saw in them? In most cases, these men would often say it is because of how these women made them feel wanted, desired, attractive and appreciated.
Telling our partners “thank you for being an awesome husband and great dad,” goes a long way. Now, if you can say this with a wink and slightly naughty smile and giving him a soft wet kiss after, then, you’ve just brought that spark back in your marriage.