Surely, you can’t choose for your partner and you can’t make decisions for him either. But you can offer your help if you feel like this will change matters for the better. It’s very common in marriages for partners to wait for help and support. This happens because they feel hopeless and they lack the energy and motivation to get out from their angry states. Sometimes, they feel like a failure because they can’t control their emotions and behavior. This is why a caring and compassionate attitude can make a big change in your marriage.
Speak Up Your Mind
Because marriage means sharing good and bad moments, you need to believe that communication and mutual help can improve your relationship. Of course, forgiveness and compassion are really important and you need to have them at the foundation of your marriage. But if you think your partner’s unfair in treating you the way it does, or if you feel like he’s misdirecting anger at you, speaking up is the way to go. Perhaps you feel pulled down by your angry partner. This is the moment when you must take initiative for your own happiness and there’s a good chance that acting in a self-respecting manner will get you your trust and safety back.
Don’t Blame Yourself
Wives are usually taught, especially in the Western tradition, that they’re to blame for their partner’s problem. However, this should never be the case. A crucial part of overcoming anger’s damaging consequences is recognizing and acknowledging you’re mistreated and it’s not just your fault. Perhaps, it’s not your fault at all. Blaming yourself for your spouse’s anger should be replaced with a real focus on how can you change your behavior together.
Anger Can Turn Into Abuse
Sometimes anger can destroy marriages if it turns into verbal and physical abuse. If it’s not controlled, anger intensifies and so do its consequences. And an abusive husband won’t ever take responsibility for his acts. Things can only turn from bad to worse. So you must definitely consider leaving an abusive marriage. Living in fear and disappointment can’t solve matters for you and not even for your angry partner. Of course, this isn’t an easy decision to make, but neglecting yourself and accepting a low standard of living is a sure way to unhappiness.
Think About Your Own Needs
In most cases, when anger persists, misery and depression follow for one partner, or even for both. When confronted with anger in your day to day life, it’s better to start asking yourself what’s better for you. Most couples have difficulties in understanding that conflicts often happen when their expectations aren’t met. So you must think if this marriage satisfies your needs, or if you can allow yourself to continue living in constant tension. You need to be honest and to not minimize issues or to deny their existence. This will only prolong the problems and they’ll resurface when you least expect it. Decide what works best for your happiness and take real steps towards achieving it.