Monogamy does not have to be synonymous with monotony. Just because you are in an exclusive relationship, it does not mean that things can no longer be exciting or interesting.
In the book, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff,” author Richard Carlson said that his wife keeps a small note posted on her office wall to keep her motivated and focused on her goals – “you can either make excuses or make money.” This can also apply to women in long-term relationships – you can either make excuses or you can choose to do something to boost your relationship to the next level.
Any long term relationship can and will experience a “lull” in their romantic and sex life. In the sex department, this can manifest as reduced frequency of sexual encounters, and in some cases, even the simple act of kissing, hugging or touching may also start to disappear or become “mechanical.”
Romantically, this can take the form of you feeling like your husband no longer finds you attractive, does not seem to notice you, pay you compliments like he used to and/or he seems to be less interested or affectionate.
The good news is there are ways that you can do to get his attention and bring the spark and romance back in your relationship.
Hygiene and Personal Appearance
This sounds obvious and commonsensical but the reality is, in long-term relationships, over time, couples can become too comfortable with each other and tend to take less effort in their appearance over time. One key and basic thing that you can do is to make time for yourself – pampering yourself to a hot shower or nice relaxing bath before your husband and/or kids get home, or before you go to bed at night. Doing this will not only make you feel good but may also get him excited especially if you sit on his lap, gently kiss him on the lips as you wish him a “goodnight.” Being sexual starts with giving yourself permission to be sensual.
Sending Your Husband (or Partner) a Sexy Text or Email Message While He is at Work
It does not necessarily have to be “Fifty Shades of Grey” but something sweet yet provocative, playfully-teasing and sensual. This is a man you have known and been with for years (or months), so you must have some idea what gets him excited (go back to when you started dating each other). It can be a simple text message saying, “have I told you recently how sexy you are?… miss you… can’t wait till you get home” (winks). Or, if you are still a little bit shy or feeling awkward talking about sex, you can express your creative “wishes” and desires in a tasteful yet explicit email detailing what you would like him to do to you. Sending this to him while he is at work makes it even more exciting (for both of you) because it is almost “risky” and naughty. It will also allow you to explore your sensual side and get excited for your husband when he walks in the door.
You can either surprise him with a sexy lingerie or you can pick one (or a few) from an online catalog together. This is also a good conversation-starter for exploring what you both would like to try sexually – like sex toys, positions you may want to try (or places) and fantasies you want to play out in the bedroom. A simple but sensually-effective “sexy outfit” that most men find sexy when women wear it is their old t-shirt or pajama top – most men testify that seeing their woman wear this just drives them crazy.
Sexy Talk and Gestures
Sexy talk does not have to be overtly graphic, it can be something as simple as telling your husband how good it feels (when you are having sex), initiating sex by telling him how much you want him or a naughty smile, an extended kiss or touch. It affirms your genuine desire and attraction for your husband, shows confidence (which is by itself an attractive quality) and it makes your husband feel good too as a man and his ability to arouse sexual desires in his wife.
Learning the Art of Touching and Sensual Massages
If anything, an extended, warm, gentle and loving touch heals any relationships – for both the giver and the receiver. In long-term relationships, this is particularly important. With all the distractions of life, work and everyday responsibilities, pausing to connect to your partner through touch brings a deep connection (or re-connection) in your relationship. On a more sensual level, surprising your husband with a massage, bedroom lit with scented candles, soft relaxing music playing in the background and rubbing his body with warm oil, not only relaxes him but also helps set the mood. The very act of tracing every inch of his body with your hands and fingers is by itself intimate and sensual.
Being in a long-term relationship IS exciting and interesting – it is the best time in your relationship life to explore and be creative with your partner!