A Divorce is a painful experience, and the thought of analyzing your failed marriage might seem to be an unnecessary, painful, and even embarrassing exercise that you would prefer to avoid at all costs. But it is an important step in helping you get over the damage caused by divorce, and it will help you to avoid making the same mistakes again in your next marriage.
Answering the following questions about your divorce will help you understand yourself a bit better, and show you what to look for and what to avoid in your next partner.
What drew you to your spouse?
This question can reveal some interesting things about yourself. There are certain traits in potential partners that you find alluring. It is a good idea to identify what these traits were in your ex-spouse, and then ask yourself why you think that they were so important to you at the time. It is also a good idea to look at the possibility that what you thought was a good trait ended up proving to be an undesirable characteristic. For example, before you got married you might have found yourself drawn to the fact that your partner was assertive and confident. But a few months into the marriage that turned out to be controlling and arrogant.
What made you believe that your spouse had what you were looking for?
Now that you have answered the first question, you need to look at what led you to believe that your ex had what you were looking for. You might find that if you relook at the early interactions you had with them, that either you misread certain qualities for others, or that you were willing to ignore other aspects of their personalities that you disliked, and instead focused on the ones you wanted.
When did you first realize there was a major problem in your marriage?
You might find it difficult to pinpoint exactly when things started to take a turn for the worst. But if you cast your mind back you will soon be able to admit that there were early warning signs that things were not going to work out.
How did you ignore the problem?
The thing about early warning signs is that you tend to ignore them, or play down the significance of them to stop yourself from seeing that you are not in a good marriage. You might have defended your spouse’s actions to others, or even to yourself. Or you may have found yourself changing aspects of your own personality to avoid confrontation.
What problems did you cause by ignoring the problem?
Lastly, it is important that you acknowledge the problems that you created by not addressing the problem right away. This can be a hard thing to do because it implies that you were at fault. But it is important for you to see the damage that can be done when you ignore these kinds of problems so that you don’t repeat this mistake again in your next marriage.