In a marriage, partners know how to hurt one another. There are the obvious words or actions that would feel unloving to your partner. Unkindness, criticism, dishonesty, and indifference can break a marriage and a person. To prevent being the one to hurt or getting hurt, find out about each other’s behaviors, words, and actions that trigger one another.
Being indifferent will make anyone feel unloved and hurt. Sometimes we say or do things unwittingly that can prompt pain and anger in our partner. When we trigger old wounds from the past or cross a boundary we didn’t know existed, a lot of damage can be done. One of the ways couples try to keep the peace is by repressing their feelings of hurt. By doing this to yourself, an advanced version of your bottled-up feelings turns into resentment. To try and prevent this, share with one another of what can be done in the future. What you and they can and cannot do. Remember communication is KEY!
Some marriages require more attention than others. Out of fear of being direct, partners can become passive-aggressive towards each other. Such actions could include pouting, withdrawing, or subtle comments. This behavior is a way show our hurt or pain. We all turn to these actions from time to time to transfer our feelings onto our partner. Perhaps, without even knowing it, we can be confused on why we are not feeling loved. “What is making us feel unloved?” It is the neglect. Often this is not intentionally done. We need more from our partner, but we aren’t clear what is making us feel like we are being taken for granted. Observe your own manners in the past to see how you might be communicating your need for more love. Have your partner do the same and share your thoughts with each other.
Loving another person as they are in their essence is important. That’s what it means to unconditionally love your spouse. In a marriage, if you want to build a stronger relationship, then you must view your partner as a unique individual. They are not an extension of yourself. Take the time to notice the little things that make your partner unique and embrace it. Sit down with your spouse and ask what it is that they love about YOU and you tell your partner what amazing traits draws you to them.
Disconnection in a marriage can often creep up on a couple. With the hustle and bustle of daily routines and surprise events, rarely do couples get a chance to stop and breathe. Our busy lives become muscle memory, leaving the brain to be idle. This is when apathy is born. Spending less time together means lack of communication, add in distractions and resentment is created. You need to protect your marriage from this. Work together to recognize the first signs of distance between the two of you and talk about a plan for recoupling should this happen.