You have probably heard from your wife, relationship experts, psychologists and multiple TV shows that “it is healthy to talk about your feelings.”
The problem here is that to talk about your feelings effectively, you first need to know what they are. Then, you need to believe that your feelings are actually a good indicator of what is happening.
Often, people confuse their feelings with their emotions and assume that if they just get their emotions out in the open, things somehow will get better. You have probably tried it and know from your experience that they won’t. One of the reasons for it is that just letting your emotions out may not be an effective way to deal with how you feel. This article will explain to you what happens when you do vent, how you can explore your emotions effectively and how your feelings play an important role informing you about your thoughts, actions, and relationships. Your feelings and emotions can help you do better in life and in your marriage, but you need to know what you are doing and what is really happening.
What happens when you vent
Some people take a lot of pride in never keeping things and letting them out in front of their spouse. For example, if they can’t find their keys and are feeling frustrated, they will immediately start yelling and let their spouse know even though their spouse may have nothing to do with them losing the keys.
One of the issues with venting is that it may make people look stupid. It can also lead to the creation of a cycle in which a person acts like an irresponsible child and by doing so pushes the loved ones away. No one wants to be around someone who unpredictably bursts out with all kinds of emotions before processing them or thinking about the emotions or respecting the people around.
Quick venting may lead to missing the important information that emotions communicate.
Listening to your emotions
If you have never tried to get in touch with your emotions before, you should start with downshifting and trying to figure out the real meaning of emotions.
You may have never thought that emotions are giving you useful information, but they are. There are a lot of ways to deal or manage the emotions. The strategies that you have been using in the past may not have been working because you don’t really understand how emotions really work. For example, if you can’t start your car you may be feeling angry but the anger is there because of the stress and fear of uncertainty. When you do notice that the anger is coming, you can catch yourself, take a deep breath, slow down and lower your voice before you talk to your wife. Then, you can let her know that you are feeling angry and frustrated because you can’t start the car. This is very different from screaming immediately after anger comes to you.