Relationship Expert and author over at YourTango, Alex Alexander, has put together an amazing list of marriage advice from the top marriage experts around the world.
Every husband and wife should memorize these!
We’ve asked 50 YourTango Experts to share their best marriage advice.
Ranging from how to have better communication (and better sex!) to how married couples should spend some time alone, these may well be the 50 best marriage tips ever compiled.
This should be required reading for every husband and wife (or future married couple).
1. If your goal is to have a satisfying marriage with longevity, make sure you are accountable for the part you play in the relationship — good or bad.
When you are in denial about your part in the relationship then you are no better than a child flinging sand at another child in a sandbox. When you take responsibility for your part in the marriage, only then will you be able to connect with your partner in a mature, intimate way. – Carin Goldstein, LMFT
2. Research consistently shows that touching more creates a stronger bond by releasing oxytocin.
Hold hands, rub shoulders, hug, kiss, give high-fives or even fist-bumps or bottom pats. When you give a quick hug or kiss, try to lengthen it to at least 5 or 10 seconds for more effective results! – Lori Lowe, MA
3. Learn how to agree to disagree.
No two people agree on everything, and that’s okay, but it’s important to be okay with each other’s differences. – Lee Bowers, LP, PhD
4. Sometimes it’s not about the amount of money you spend on a gift; it’s about the thought that goes into something.
Take the time to write a thoughtful note every so often saying what you love and appreciate about him/her. Drop it in his/her briefcase or purse so he/she will find it unexpectedly and it will brighten up his/her day. – Suzanne K. Oshima, Dating Coach
5. For men, it’s important to understand that women want to be listened to. Men don’t need to solve or fix everything; listening itself is an exceptional gift. For women, it’s important to understand that men need time for themselves. By giving him space to pull away and not taking it personally, you allow him to reconnect with his desire for you and his commitment to the relationship. – MarsVenus Coaching, Life Coach
6. The biggest waste of effort in a marriage is trying to change your spouse, since the problems you have with your spouse are generally problems you have in yourself.
When you try to change your spouse you come across as a nag and wind up sending the message that ‘who you are is not enough.’ Nobody likes getting that message, and it leads to distance and polarization. Let your spouse be who he or she is and focus on changing yourself. – Dr. Rick Kirschner, Relationship Coach
7. See problems — boredom in the bedroom, lack of conversations, resentment — as symptoms and treat those symptoms just as you would treat a chronic illness that seemingly has no cure.
Throw at it every possible remedy you’ve got, no matter how alternative or weird it seems. Chances are one or more of them will actually work and your marriage will get stronger and stronger. – Alisa Bowman, Relationship Coach
8. Next time you argue with your partner, drop the shaming, blaming, needing to be right, and really listen without interrupting.
Then communicate how you feel, using “I” statements. It’s not your partner’s job to read your mind, guess what you’re thinking, or put words into your mouth. These are huge obstacles to open, honest communication and will guarantee resentment, anger, and frustration in the relationship. – Sharon Rivkin, MA, MFT
9. In order to strengthen your marriage, learn to recognize that most arguments have shared responsibility, that both people have valid points and valid reasons for their feelings.– Kathy Morelli, LPC
10. Fair is not a four letter word.
You may have forgotten about fairness, but now’s the time to bring it back into your relationship. Are you both being fair when it comes to divvying up chores, communicating your needs, expressing dissatisfaction, dealing with finances, parenting, and supporting one another? If not, how can you improve and bring fairness back to the relationship? – Lisa Steadman, Dating and Relationship Coach