Marriage is tough. But it’s also one of the most rewarding things you can do with your life.
But we can’t all just believe that it’s going to be a fairy tale. And that’s where marriage expert Carol Freud comes to the rescue.
In this article, she shares with us the three lies that can destroy your marriage.
Your true love will fulfill you.
Sound familiar? It should, because that’s just one of the big marriage-destroying lies promoted by advertising, movies, and fake love stories. Other lies perpetuated include the idea that your partner is there to make you happy and that he/she will always comfort you when you’re sad, and heal you when you’re hurt. Also; that the “in-love” stage will last forever.
Sadly, the more you need love, the more hurt you’ve been and the more unfulfilled you are, the more you buy into the lie that it is your partner’s job to keep you happy. This lie can kill your marriage. Of course, there are many more lies that can creep into a marriage and cause damage: the lies we tell ourselves, the lies we tell because of shame, and the lies hat hide basic betrayals that make rebuilding trust feel impossible.
The best marriages are created by two people who can truly know themselves and each other.
Remember fairy tales? Happy endings come after the beautiful princess has endured cruelty, falsity, and hard work. She has remained strong in her own goodness, bravery and desire for love. The prince has worked to overcome obstacles as well. Relationship experts have come up with different theories and therapies that tell us humans are pretty good at falling in love with people who bring up hidden hurts; of course, not on purpose. Sayings like “You can’t heal what you can’t feel” suggest that we unconsciously choose someone who will evoke past pain. And, just as your partner unintentionally uncovers your hidden wounds, you’re going to uncover his.
Here’s an example: ever been with a guy who is nice to everyone else, and totally fell in love with you, too? What happens if he hurts you? You try to tell him that you’re hurt, and he says you’re accusing him of doing something wrong. Being nice is how he’s gotten on in the world, how he’s succeeded — everyone else thinks he’s great — and here you are, telling him he’s not good enough. You protest that that’s not what you’re telling him, and he gets angry. You get more hurt, and angry because he’s not listening, and if you’re not careful, what started as a pinprick becomes a volcano. But we’ve lied to and convinced ourselves that our love should be perfect, so this comes as a total shock.
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