Many of us have more than once looked across a room at our husbands and realized that they’re like an extra child we need to care for. In this aspect, they add more stress to our lives. And the verdict is in that proves this to be true. A huge survey by Today confirms what we all knew deep down: our husbands are a greater source of stress than our children.
7,000 American mothers were surveyed on the matter. 46% of them said that they found their husbands give them more stress than their children. One of the things they noted as causing their stress is that they view their husbands as children because sometimes they act like children. Moms noted that they could accept tantrums from a toddler because that’s a natural stage in their development. But what they can’t accept is a grown man having a tantrum because he should know better.
Another interesting statistic the survey revealed that moms rated their levels of stress at an astounding 8.5 out of 10. For many, their stress levels are raised by the fact that they don’t feel there are enough hours in the day. They have many responsibilities and don’t have enough time to fit everything in.
Add to that the fact that so many moms indicated their spouses are a source of stress as well. A lot of wives said that when their husbands arrive home, they seem to be another task that needs to be managed.
Another source of stress that contributes to the way wives are looking at their husbands is the division of labor. Up to 75% of moms feel that most of the responsibilities for running the household and parenting the children seem to fall on their shoulders. 20% of moms said that their stress levels rise daily because they feel their husbands don’t take on any responsibilities to lighten their load.
In many homes, wives hold down full-time jobs as well. They work the same hours as their husbands to contribute to the family finances. However, when they arrive home, it’s time for a ‘second shift.’ This entails running the home and caring for the children. Wives feel that their husbands don’t support them enough. The feel that the chores around the house and parenting responsibilities aren’t a team effort. And because they feel they do it all alone, they feel they must take all the blame when things go wrong.
A lot of mothers feel that their husbands take so little responsibility for the children, even when it comes to the basics. One mom complains that when the baby cries, her husband brings him to her. Why she wonders, can’t he deal with the problem and let her unwind a bit?
Another thing that makes wives feel their husbands cause them stress is the fact that their husbands seem to get downtime, but they don’t. Their husbands kick back on the weekend and relax. But moms feel lucky if they can just get through using the bathroom without an interruption.
The survey revealed that lesbian couples feel the same stressors apply to their relationships. Single mothers experience the highest levels of stress, although that should come as no surprise. Married mothers have the potential support of their husbands, whereas single moms don’t.
It’s for this reason that married mothers need to take heart. Looking at it logically, parenting with your husband is not as stressful as parenting alone.
Perhaps the key is getting your husband to see the amount of stress you’re under. Then explain to him how he contributes to it. This can lead to a conversation where more teamwork can be fostered. In a previous survey, 66% of dads said they want to be acknowledged for the parenting role they play. In other words, they want positive affirmation. Giving it may lead to them taking on a bigger role. Food for thought, isn’t it?