Infertility is unacceptable in some cultures. Though it’s naturally blamed on the woman, infertility can affect men as well. Infertility hardly ever strengthens a marriage. Partners have to be so strong willed and in love to stay together when they can’t have a baby. A child completes a marriage and this is a fact. People marry for various reasons, but the major reason is to procreate. If a wife or husband can’t have children, the marriage might soon come to a halt. Even if you have had children, you may want to know why infertility triggers so many issues in marriage. These are some of the reasons why.
Constant blame game
In some families, newly weds are expected to consummate their marriage soon after the honeymoon. If there is no baby after one or two years, relatives and friends start talking. When people start asking silly questions and not minding their business, the affected couple might start feeling insecure. This may bring forth a tendency to focus on who is to blame. One partner who thinks they are not to blame might feel disappointed in the other’s inadequacy. The one who is to blame might develop feelings of guilt and worthlessness. One spouse may feel happy that they don’t have fertility issues while the other might feel overly depressed because they have them. The blame game may continue until it ends your union. If you or your partner is infertile, the problem affects both of you. As a result, you shouldn’t regret ever marrying him or her. Instead, seek medical help together.
Infertility marks the end of sensible communication
If the stress that surrounds infertility has to be tackled effectively, the husband and wife should communicate effectively. This cannot happen if the person who has no fertility issues feels entitled to hurt the feelings of the other person. As well, if the person who has fertility issues is wallowing in self pity, this can discourage their partner even when they want to reach out. When there are feelings of anger and resentment, communication will be broken for a long time. If you are in a marriage where infertility is a major problem, encourage your partner to talk about it. Infertility hurts women and men in the same way; talk about it.
Struggle with negative feelings
It is not easy to imagine that you cannot be a mother or father to someone in your lifetime. In most cases, women seek treatment first just to ease their emotional burden. Wives are also the ones who initiate conversations about the infertility problem. Bareness causes too much distress in women because they are naturally inquisitive and curious. Women value motherhood regardless of being house wives or corporate workers. While men feel frustrated as much, they tend to take time before they seek treatment and accept they are the ones with a problem.
Even if a couple decides to accept their problem as they continue to seek answers, there will be small things that will constantly trigger the pain. For instance, when a wife goes out, she may see pregnant women or mothers who are nursing babies or playing with their kids. This is enough to remind her that she is struggling to have a child of her own and can make her feel depressed all over again. Men may be mocked by their fellows concerning their inability to make her conceive. While they may grin and smile, deep inside they are bearing a lot of pain.
Infertility can damage your marriage, of course, if you let it dominate your discussions and lives.