One day you wake up and find a stranger in bed with you. You no longer know who he is and you don’t even like his smell. This man is your husband. How did this happen and what are you going to do about it? Is this going to be the end of your marriage or are you going to do something about it?
Let’s face it, almost half of all marriages end in divorce, but getting separated is a big and painful step that requires a lot of courage. There are some obvious signs that your marriage is over, but sometimes it’s easier to ignore them than to accept the end of a relationship.
Sit down and think about it
Before you do anything, think it through. Think about what you want out of your relationship and all the possible solutions. Do you really want to get divorced? How will it be when you are divorced, where will you live? How does it feel?
Thinking about getting divorced is not the same as actually getting divorced, but imagining it will give you a chance to feel out if that is what you really want.
Surprisingly you may actually feel physical pain in your body when you think about leaving your spouse, and this will give you an indication that your relationship is not over. On the other hand, if you feel nothing at all, then maybe it’s time to start preparing for a new life.
Talk about it
Talk to your friends. You didn’t give up all your close friends when you met your husband, did you? So, call up your circle and have a heart to heart with your good friends and talk it through. Your friends or family might be able to see more than you and could give you a new perspective on what you are going through.
Whether you are going to go through a divorce or not, knowing that you have a support group behind you, is going to make your decision easier.
For what, you might ask when you have to deal with a sterile marriage and an imminent breakup. Actually, you chose to get married to this person for some reason. You may have actually had many happy years together before your love cooled off.
Be grateful for the years you lived together and all that you learned from the relationship. If you focus on the positive, you might be able to end the relationship without causing unnecessary damage to you both. Alternatively, you might realize that the positive aspects outweigh the negative and that the relationship is worth working on.
Work on it
If you decide to give it another bash, then go for it. Closing yourself off emotionally and expecting marriage to work is a no-brainer. The same with sex, if you are getting sex from another source, stop, try and start from the beginning with your husband. Try and be physically present. Be romantic and be in the mood. Sex and being affectionate will build up the bonds again. Be positive and put him first for a while.
If you have given yourself sufficient time to explore all your possibilities and it’s not working, then gather your courage, set up your network and move on. Life is too short to live in suffering. You deserve a chance to live a happy life.
It might be painful, and it may even take you a long time to get over it. But if you want a chance at future happiness then move out of a hopeless situation.