A lot of men mention how their partners sex drive drops after they get married. Hell, if you’ve ever listened to any married comedian ever, then you’ve probably heard 100 jokes on this very topic. But why is it that women seem to lose interest in sex? I mean, they the same person. So what changed when from when you were courting to when you were married? Now, this is just my opinion, but it’s held true for my marriage and several of my friends and the way to combat this has also worked incredibly well.
First things first
Your wife doesn’t need to be told that she’s beautiful every day. Yes, it’s great if you do this and I’m sure a lot of women would love to hear this. But remember that these are just words. Do you want to know what makes a women feel beautiful? Desire.
They want to feel desired.
Do you know why your wife had a higher sex drive before you got married? Because you desired her and she could see it in your actions, in your eyes, in your words, and in everything you did. When you were trying to get that first date, you desired her, when you kissed her the first time, you desired her. And on your wedding night, you desired the hell out of her.
But desire is a hard thing to keep up. I mean, how do you desire something that is with you 24/7 and that you have access to whenever you want?
It’s more difficult, but it’s not impossible. Just like anything that’s worth while, it takes effort and commitment.
So, here are a few things that I’ve started doing that have increased my desire for my wife and has made her tell me very clearly that she feels sexy and beautiful when I’m doing these things.
Once in a while (but not rarely) make your kiss hello or goodbye last. Push her up against a wall, pull her around a corner away from the kids, slip her a bit of tongue, grab her butt, and make it a passionate kiss.
This one works like a charm. Too often we get used to just pecking our significant other on the lips or cheek as we walk out the door or come in. But when you make that kiss memorable, you’ll get her mind racing about it all day long and she’ll know that you truly desire her.
When you’re out in public, sneak her a sexy touch or word.
Again, this is about breaking up the mundane and the monotony. But don’t be crude and don’t make it like all of your other stupid jokes. I’m notorious for making an innuendo about almost anything and then giving my wife a wink. To which she’ll roll her eyes and scoff. She knows I’m just being more funny than anything else and that I’m really not expressing any true desire for whatever I just said. Or maybe I am, but she can also spot when I’m just horny and trolling for booty.
Instead, when you’re out shopping or out to dinner, run your foot up the inside of her leg under the table. And don’t make a crude face, don’t even look at her. Make it completely unassuming. Let her mind do the work. Or, if you’re in an aisle at the store, hug her from behind and whisper something like, “remember that time in Vegas we did that thing with the shower head?” and don’t laugh and don’t cheapen it. Just hold her and let her mind find that moment.
Then let her go and go on as if nothing happened. You planted the seed of desire and her imagination will do the rest.
Speak her Love Language without her asking and when it’s inconvenient
If you haven’t read about love languages, I suggest you do. It’s a quick Google search and you can learn about them quickly. But when you know what language your wife speaks, sprinkle those actions, words, or gifts into your daily life and make them impactful. And one of the best ways to do this is to do it when it’s inconvenient for you. For instance, my wife knows when I have a big day planned with meetings and calls. But if I manage to swing by the house to drop off her favorite lunch, then run right back out after a kiss, she will know how much work that was for me to do it. And the fact that I did it when I had every reason not to do it will mean that much more to her.
Again, your goal is to make her feel loved, desired, and unique. You do this with your actions.
Plan the romance for her
Date nights are awesome. My wife and I have them planned often. But they can also become scheduled and run-of-the-mill. But you can take the EXACT SAME date night and use it to make your wife feel desired and beautiful by handling it from A to Z without her and surprising her with it.
Again, this is showing her that you’re taking the time to think about her, that you want to see her, and that you’re willing to move heaven and earth to do so.
So, next time you want to go on a date, you be the one to call the babysitter, you plan the night, and you make it special. Then surprise her with it. The fact that you went through all of that work will make her feel loved and beautiful.