How to Keep Your Marriage Strong When Kids Arrive
Babies are a big blessing to a couple, of course, but things change when they come. This happens to almost every couple and it is a bad thing. A baby craves the attention of the mother all the times and it’s upon the couple to acknowledge this fact and learn how to cope. After all, a baby will stop being one when he or she turns eighteen years old. So, a couple has to find solid ways to stay united even when kids arrive. This is not easy, though, and can easily lead to endless fights and blame games. If a couple doesn’t seek help, the relationship could end. A divorce or separation could affect your kids emotionally and should be avoided at any rate. But how can you grow stronger in love when you have kids?
Understand that the arrival of kids decreases marital satisfaction
The most vulnerable period is when babies are had. Little babies can be so annoying with their endless crying and yearn for attention. This is when men feel rejected by their wives who have to give a lot of care and attention to the newborn baby. A few announce their divorce at this point. Further, some couples’ distress decreases after their young kids join school while others’ continues to erode. There is no stage of raising kids that doesn’t affect marriage in a negative way. Thus, a steady decline in marital satisfaction is normal for most couples.
Join couples’ groups
A clever couple will join a couple’s group with similar predicaments to avoid separation or divorce. These groups have trained leaders who teach people how to cope with having a new baby. As well, the father and mother are allowed to explore their emotional health to discover whether they are being self-seeking and unkind to each other. After finding out the root cause of their constant scuffles, a couple gets in a better position to find suitable solutions.
Avoid confrontations when angry
Solutions are hardly found when both parents confront each other when feeling extremely angry. Nighttime fights won’t help solve anything. It will be much more prudent to control your emotions until you have calmed down completely. You can solve anything with a calm mind. Besides, arguing in front of your kids should be avoided. But if it ever happens, you should both tell them that you solved your differences. Eventually, you should learn to control your anger and tongue.
Get a babysitter or nanny if you can
It is hard to assign a lot of free time to yourselves after the babies come. They need your attention all the time and it can be almost impossible to get away. If you can manage to get a nanny or a babysitter, you can occasionally go out and do the things you used to do before. But if you cannot employ a helper, the only way out is to work with what you have—yourselves. After putting the children to bed, take a few minutes to talk and catch up with each other.
Kids do sense when their parents are angry with each other even when they are not taking on each other verbally or physically. The problem is that they may blame themselves and perform badly in school. Since kids should be your biggest source of joy, do your best to avoid confrontations and fights in their presence.