Lower the bedroom lights. Cue the burlesque jazz music. Step into the bedroom wearing nothing but a smile. And what do you get?
Well, you either get a happy hubby, a super self-conscious wife, or more likely both.
I had a brief exchange last week with a commenter and fellow blogger about whether wives are able to disrobe and display their goods to their husbands with confidence. I admitted that it took quite a bit of time in my own marriage to get there. While my body is objectively less attractive than it was when I was younger, I’m far more confident now about sharing my body with my husband.
So how do you get to the point where you can enter your bedroom where hubby awaits with just a smile and a swagger? Here are some thoughts on sorting through our self-doubts, ladies.
He just likes naked.
Whether you understand it or not, God has infused your husband with an appreciation of feminine beauty and especially nudity. As in, your nudity. The draw isn’t that you look like a supermodel. You don’t have to look like a supermodel. You are beautiful because you are all woman — which is entirely different from him and incredibly intriguing and arousing.
You have curves. You have breasts. You have softer flesh. You have tender, exciting places down below. Whether you also have ten extra pounds and some varicose veins doesn’t detract from all of the goodies he sees. We wives simply need to recognize that God created men to be visually excitable creatures, and your hubby is aroused and interested in your naked body. So show it off!
It’s the only body you have.
You can spend your whole life wishing you were taller, shorter, curvier, thinner, fuller, flatter, lighter, darker, etc. But this is it — the body you have. And it’s a pretty good one. Hasn’t it served you well in many ways?
There are plenty of people with unusual challenges like paraplegia or malnutrition or terminal illness who would love to have the very body someone complains about all day long. Now I’m not trying to give you what-for just because you’re unhappy with some aspect of your body. That’s understandable, because we all have something we might want to change and the feelings that come with that simply are. But learning to appreciate what you have goes a long way toward being willing to share it with your husband.
Since this is your body, find ways to love it. Focus on your best features. Keep it healthy. Enhance what you can. Live in gratitude for your body. Get over thinking you want someone else’s, and intentionally learn to appreciate this one and only body you have.
Remember he ain’t perfect either.
I find my husband very attractive, even though I objectively realize he will not be named People‘s Sexiest Man Alive any time soon. He’s my flavor of man, so I think he’s “the bomb.” Why not believe your hubby feels the same way about you?
He loves you and that impacts how he sees you — making your beauty shine and your flaws seem insignificant. Moreover, he recognizes you’re both aging, that wrinkles and gravity are taking their slow toll, and he doesn’t expect you to look like a 20 year old for the rest of your life. (Hey, some of us didn’t look our best at 20 anyway!) He knows you aren’t perfect, but he isn’t perfect either. But you still can be perfect for one another.
You’ve been through so much, what’s a little peep show?
Honestly, this one has contributed a lot to my level of comfort around my husband. Truly, what’s the big deal about showing him my body after all we’ve been through together?
We’ve experienced the better and the worse, the richer and the poorer, the sickness and the health. We’ve seen each other at our strongest of times and our most vulnerable. We’ve nursed each other through stomach flu, surgeries, and grief. We are intimately connected in every other way, so why would I withhold this one way?
If you want that deep connection with your husband, you have to open yourself up. You have to trust him with your heart and with your body. You truly aren’t likely to have a fabulous marriage in every other aspect if you cannot also be vulnerable and open in the marriage bed. Chalk it up to one more thing that makes your relationship unique: You walk through life together in a way you don’t with anyone else, including the way you share your bodies with each other.
All of these deal with your attitude and approach to being naked with your husband. Next week, I’ll cover some specific tips on how to get over your trepidation and share your body more freely with your husband.
Are you comfortable being naked with your husband? If you’ve grown in this area, please share how you became more confident about sharing your body with him.