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Working Wife, Lonely Husband...

My wife is basically married to her job and I need some advice... I’m the primary breadwinner, but we could use the extra income. She works 40 hours a week plus a couple evenings, but whenever she’s home she just watches TV or plays games on her phone. I take care of most of the housework and cooking, etc. We do spend some time together but whenever we talk it’s mainly about her work. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but whenever I approach the subject she gets really defensive and hurt. She says she wants to do better, but she never really changes anything. Anyone have any idea about how can I get out marriage back on track?

You probably need something outside of work that you are both interested in. Do you have any mutual interests? Like music, TV shows, cooking, dancing, etc.? For example, my husband was into swing dancing when we were in college, so we’re taking swing dancing lesson together. Or maybe try getting into a new show with her, something you can do at home. I’m sure once you find something you can do together you’ll be able to get back on track.

Also, I heard a great quote but I can't remember who said it, "Seek to understand before seeking to be understood." When you talk to your wife really listen to why she really likes her job before trying to get your point across.

We watch the same shows but we hardly talk while watching TV - she’s either too tired or playing games on her phone.. I like taking her to lunch but we alway end up talking about her work. Mostly she just wants to relax at home when she’s not working.

Have you tried planning a date night into your routine? I know that really helped us, just setting aside 1 or 2 nights a week out of our busy schedules to spend time together. I found it really helped to know that my husband was willing to make time for me, and I think it reminded us how much fun we have together.

My husband and I spend quality time together a few nights a week. I guess what that means is we do an activity that allows us to look at each other's faces instead of a screen. Even if it's folding laundry together ot turning on some music and just relaxing/talking. We had plenty of conversations when we met but one was about being addicted to our phones or putting our phones before our marriage. It sounds like that's what your wife is doing, even if she doesn't think about it that way. Maybe you could talk to her about having a couple nights a week where you don't allow each other to have screens. No tv, no phones. Try putting a puzzle together or playing a card game. Sometimes we all need to unplug. I also have moments where I'm stressed and all I want to do is look at social media but you have to have a balance.

Also, there is nothing wrong with just listening while she vents about work... I get that you might want to talk about something else because it's a sore subject. But you have to be willing to talk to her about anything she needs to talk about, not just what you want to. If you aren't willing she will vent about it to someone else and that could open the door to serious problems in your marriage. Offer her advice on situations she isn't happy with. Or just listen and take her side. It would be unprofessional for her to vent to co-workers so my advice is to get used to it and go with the flow.

Thank you for the helpful information. It's great to get advice from other women.

To answer your question Kim, my wife and I go on a date once or twice a month. But I should definitely make that more of a priority.

Stacie and Perry, I have room for improvement in my communication with my wife. Sometimes I'm so eager to tell her something or express my perspective that I don't listen intently to her feelings.

Any other advice is warmly welcomed.