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Husband into Swinging. Please help!!!

Okay, this might be a pretty strong question as a first post in this forum but I REALLY need some help or advice or something..

So my husband and I have been married for 11 years now (he’s 38 and I’m 35) and recently he’s started talking about swinging and wanting to watch me be with another man and quite honestly I have NO IDEA what to think about this! The thought has never crossed my mind and I have no interest in being with anyone else! I know I shouldn’t judge him for his fantasy or anything but I’m really kinda confused as to why he’s suddenly interested in this sort of thing and what on earth I should do or say..

I tried asking him about it and he said he felt like it could help bring us closer together but honestly I’m having a hard time understanding it… I mean, he hasn’t been pushy about it which is a relief, and he was really told me I didn’t have to if I wasn’t totally comfortable with it, but that being said he still keeps bringing up these different sex clubs and swinger parties and I just feel like Im a little in the dark about all this.. Does anyone have any experience with dealing with this kinda thing?? Should I be worried??? What am I supposed to say/do??

Quite honestly I’ve never understood the idea of “swinging” (I can’t imagine how watching the person you love have sex with someone else could ever be considered “sexy” - that seems completely backwards to me!) That being said, I think you need to be true to yourself and only do things that you are comfortable with doing (and that goes for EVERYTHING of that regard). If you don’t want to and aren’t comfortable with it then DONT DO IT! Thank god your hubby isn’t being pushy about it

Do you know if he’s having an affair? Cuz maybe he’s doing it out of a guilty conscience like trying to make it “fair” by getting you to sleep with someone else so he doesn’t feel so bad...

Thanks Jessica, I guess I just don’t know what to think… should I be worried that he has this desire?? Will it go ever away or will he just keep bringing it up over and over

and Grace I dunno, I mean truly I don’t think he’s having an affair like at all...

Hi Cynthia. Honestly I don’t think it’s a sign of him having an affair. From what I’ve seen in the past, the person having the affair typically accuses their spouse of cheating not encourages them to do so. In my opinion he’s probably looking to spice things up, and just made the suggestion from his fantasies. you should do something in your sex life to make it more different and fun and just find something that you BOTH want.

I suggest finding some kind of porn or erotica (reading material) that you are both into. That is a vanilla solution..

Without getting too personal on my end my hubby and I have a somewhat spicy sex life and we role play a lot. Just pretending to be in certain situations or being certain types of people (example doctor or police officer.) It's awesome and exciting and it doesn't involve a third party (which we are thankfully *both* against.)

Go through all the other options and dip your toes in the kink pool before you try a three some or voyeurism. Once you let the cat out of the bag it cannot go back in and one or both of you might regret it. Unless he's seen a woman he loves taking it from someone else, he has no idea how he would feel. It might just destroy your marriage. He should be careful what he wishes for.

An example of this is rape fantasies. Just because you think it's sexy to imagine being "ravished" doesn't mean you'd like it in reality.


I don't really have any advice but I understand how your feeling. My husband has wanted to have a fmf threesome for a very long time and I'm just not secure enough to try it.

It probably doesn't mean anything other than he's looking to spice things up or try something new. If you feel comfortable enough maybe try visiting a sex club just to see. Even if you don't participate it can be a very erotic experience.

Tyler- Thank you, I'm so relieved to hear that.

Stacie- I'll have to borrow some of your ideas for sure. I guess it has been a little while since we've gone out of our way to try anything new.. I think I'll try suggesting some of these to him, see if that takes the pressure off things.. Cause that's exactly what I was worried about- I mean, if I went through with it what would happen if he realized he didn't like it the way he thought he would?!

Erica- Thank you, I'm glad I'm not alone, but I'm sorry to hear that you're in the same situation.. I hope it all works out <3