If you asked any newlyweds what the one thing that could happen that would ruin their marriage, many of them would say infidelity. When it comes down to it however, that can often be overcome. But there are 5 areas where it is a lot harder to forgive and forget. They are:
- Outgrowing a partner
- Domestic abuse
- Extreme selfishness
- The children
Outgrowing a Partner
Feeling that you and your partner are not at the same stage of life can cause problems. If one is ready to start a family and the other wants to party all night, it can cause a rift. It will become worse if the immature one agrees to save to provide for a child and then carries on as they were. This will lead to issues of trust and they can often never be overcome.
This can cover many areas and does not just mean physical violence and bullying. It can be the gradual grinding down of one partner because of lack of money to run the house or an unfair share of the burden of running the home. It is easy to become resentful and if this is not nipped in the bud, can be the catalyst for the end of the marriage. Compromising on what must be done and what can be spent will lead to a much better home life.
Every marriage can stand a little bit of selfishness, but when it is extreme and continual it is harder to deal with. It is so easy to state you work the hardest, who takes most responsibility for childcare and who is in most night of a lie-in, but you won’t always realize the impact it is having on your partner. Explaining your side and listening to the other could easily make you see you are not that badly done to.
Regardless of what the addiction is, drugs, alcohol or gambling, it will always come before the relationship and money will be taken for that before the bills and food. Few partners can deal with this in the long term. If the habits can’t be broken, unfortunately the marriage will.
Too often the arrival of children causes marital problems. Lifestyles must change and too often at least one partner cannot deal with that. If the couple stays together because of the children, it rarely leads to a happy home, and often does not work anyway. When one person spends most of the time looking after the children, and putting their needs first, the other can feel left out and look for support outside the family home. Even if it is not an affair, it prevents the household remaining a strong family unit.
If you ask anyone who has managed to sustain a long marriage what the tips are, they will often cite forgiveness, understanding and putting up with things that they are not totally happy with. If you can deal with the bad side, you can take a lot of enjoyment out of the good.