4. Look your best
Appearance can be a huge factor in the odds of success in stopping a divorce.
Lose weight. Rethink your hairstyle. Pay attention to the clothes you’ve been wearing: throw out those baggy sweat pants and outdated shoes. Picture how you would look if you were to look strikingly attractive. If the image isn’t clear, pay attention to attractive people in a clothing store or to newscasters or other well-dressed folks on TV.
Then figure out how to make that your new personal style.
5. Clean up all the old hurts
Find out what resentments and hurt feelings your spouse carries that may have been factors that led to filing for a divorce. Write out a list of all the moments that your ex recalls with anger or bitterness. Create your own list as well.
Then go through each item on the list together, one by one, to “find the mis.” That means each of you needs to look for your own part in the misunderstanding, misperceptions, mistakes etc. No one gets to comment on what the other did that was problematic.
Just aim to understand what you did that inadvertently contributed to the problem. Apologize for it. Then figure out what in the future you can do differently to prevent any repeats.
Mistakes are for learning. If your marriage is rocky now, probably you haven’t been doing enough earning from your mistakes.
6. Believe in yourself
To keep up your morale as you plow ahead with your steps to stop a divorce, think about the proverbial little engine that could, whose mantra became “I think I can, I think I can.” Treasure this mantra, and say it to yourself multiple times a day.
If deep down you believe that you don’t deserve to be loved, you need to change that. Use “temporal tapping,” a technique for changing self-defeating beliefs. With the three longest fingers of your right hand, tap in a circle around your right ear. Tap from front to back, down and around back up, completing a circle, for as many as 10 circles. As you tap, say aloud, “I deserve to be loved. I am lovable. I deserve to be loved. I am lovable. etc….”
Temporal tapping reprograms your brain, replacing negative beliefs about yourself with positive ones.
Recite your mantra and do you tapping multiple times with your new self-belief multiple times each day, as often as possible until your determination and self-confidence feels strong enough to rely on them.
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