When you are married, and especially if you have children, it is very easy to get caught up with life and taking care of your responsibilities, work, and children. This article will share 4 easy ways to reconnect with the positive foundations of your relationship with your spouse even when negativity seems to be taking over your life.
Think about the early days of your relationship
If you are going through a stressful period at work on in some other area of your life, it is very easy to forget how much you value your marriage. Think about what the first days and months of your relationship with your spouse felt like. Those were the times that became the foundation blocks for your relationship. There no doubt was something special between you and your spouse back then. Think about those days and what they were like. Doing so can be very helpful even if you are going through a rough patch in your life or marriage because it can remind you that things can be much better. It doesn’t matter if you have been married for decades. Remembering the early days can still be very beneficial by connecting you to a time when you were very supportive of each other in your marriage.
Think about how you first met
Remembering the early days of your relationship with your spouse can bring up a lot of positive memories and emotions. The earliest moments in your relationship and how you first met are likely to be extremely powerful. They were probably very meaningful for both of you. Being with each other was a priority that really mattered. The further away you get from those moments, the more likely you are to forget them and downplay their importance. Try to do the opposite and bring up the positive memories and emotions.
It is likely that in the beginning of your relationship you saw everything in a positive light. The longer you are married, the more issues you had that you needed to deal with and the more the positives were diluted by negatives. Taking a few moments to remember really good times can help you focus on positives rather than deal with daily routines and problems that may exist in your life. Think about where you first were when you saw or met your partner and what attracted you to your future spouse.
Remind yourself about the positives of your partner
The key here is to tap into the reservoir of positive emotions and experiences that you have, but are likely not paying attention to. Typically, spouses that have been married for a long time would quickly remember something positive, keep it to themselves and rush to move on to the pressing matters of the daily life. Realize that there is a lot of power in noticing and feeling your positive emotions and memories more deeply, especially if you can do it together with your partner.
Many couples can’t even remember when was the last time that they thought about each other’s positive traits and characteristics. Your partner must have had a lot of positive characteristics that you used to admire because otherwise you would not have built the relationship that you have.
Surprisingly, some of those initial positives may be the things that are currently bothering you about your partner. For example, you may have loved that your partner is being free-spirited, yet today you label it as not being responsible enough.
Telling your spouse about your memories and experiences can be extremely powerful because it can take you both to a time that was full of positivity. Your partner may not even know what you liked about them initially. For him or her your description of how you remember the first moments and interactions can be a very positive new experience. Even if you are not sure that you feel about things the same way in the present moment, telling how you remember your initial interactions can be very good to hear.
Revisit why you fell in love
The stress and minutia of daily life have a way of taking away feelings and emotions to such an extent that you occasionally may forget how and why you fell in love in the first place. Typically, during the first days, weeks and months of a relationship partners feel the overall sense of warmth and acceptance from each other. Things just seem to be right. You see your partner as someone special, you feel special yourself and you are in a happy place.
The more time you spend together, the more likely you are to get stuck in daily routines solving problems and taking care of your responsibilities. The times when you just met may seem completely unreal and even silly from your current viewpoint.
This doesn’t have to be the case. Those times, experiences and emotions that you felt were very real to you back then and there was nothing silly about them. One of the way to feel closer emotionally to your spouse is to remember why you fell in love in the first place and recognize those elements in your partner today. If you have been married for a long time, your feelings and connection will feel more mature and a bit different. There’s nothing wrong with that. On the opposite, the maturity of your feelings and experiences can give you an opportunity to appreciate your marriage and your partner on a deeper level because you can look on your relationship through all the life’s experiences, good times and bad times.
It may have been a long time since you’ve asked yourself whether you remember how and why you felt in love with your spouse. You and your spouse have probably changed a lot since then. However, you will find many of those initial reasons inside of you and discover that they are still important to you if you only look.