30 Priceless One-Liners About Marriage

Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can’t hit me with them.

Why didn’t the man report his stolen credit card? The thief was spending less then his wife.

Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!

My wife’s not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, “All kids smell that way.”

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication!

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!

Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Only a widow can say exactly where her husband is.


The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship “I apologize” and “You are right.”

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