We all have different desires, needs, and sexual preferences that amount to a “sexual personality.” These personalities can be complex, and can really impact the sexual relationship between spouses – particularly when two wildly different personalities collide.
You may find that you, or your spouse, exhibit traits of a few of these personalities in combination. Our sexual personalities are complex and are part of the reason that marriages and sexual relationships require sincere effort from both partners. Identifying your own sexual personality can help you be very aware of your own actions and tendencies, and this knowledge can help make you a better and more engaged spouse.
Some people are very emotional in their lovemaking, very focused on how sex connects their relationship and their partner. This is the sensual sexual personality. Those with this personality want both partners to enjoy sex, staying as focused on their partner’s pleasure as much as their own. Sex is an opportunity for bonding, for deepening your relationship, and truly an act of love. Usually, this sense of emotional touch will extend beyond explicit sex, with many loving caresses, massages, and hugs used to express intimacy. Those with a sensual personality make wonderful and supporting sexual personalities.
For those with an erotic sexual personality, sex is an act of physical pleasure, one to vary and enjoy passionately most of the time. Those with an erotic libido like to experiment, try new things, and generally want varied sex – and frequently. There may be less focus on sex as an activity to create emotional intimacy, and they may treat sex more as a recreational activity than a bonding activity. Those with an erotic personality may have to do a little work to make sure to bring love into the bedroom, but make wonderful lovers with their sense of enthusiasm and adventure.
For those with a coping sexual personality, sex is a feel-good tool that is used to solve problems and cope with stress. Those with a coping personality want sex from their partner during times of stress or fighting in their relationship, and might sometimes try to use sex to avoid dealing with fights or issues. Copers might feel rejected any time their partner isn’t interested in sex, and this need to feel good can even lead to cheating if not kept in check.
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For those with a partner-oriented personality tend to focus on the sexual needs of their lover, letting their partner lead their sex lives, and focusing on their spouse’s pleasure almost to the exclusion of their own. Those who are partner-oriented tend to make excellent lovers, ensuring complete satisfaction to their spouse. But they also have to be careful not to neglect their own needs and sexual satisfaction, and to work hard to express their own desires when making love.
People with a self-centered sexual personality exhibit a sense of entitlement to sexual pleasure. They may feel they can and should be able to do what they want sexually, especially if they are in a marriage. This entitled attitude might extend beyond their sex-life, and it can be very difficult to have an intimate relationship to those exhibiting this tendency since they tend to neglect their spouse’s sexual needs (and other needs, in many cases).
Some people simply can’t resist the idea of having sex outside their relationship, and of experiencing different types of sex with many partners. Those with a wandering eye may find the idea of being in a couple stifling, wanting to experience the newness and danger of being with new partners no matter how much they love their spouse. Obviously, this compulsion does not match well with a long-term and committed relationship, but with some work, even those with the most wandering fantasies can find pleasure in monogamous sex.
Some people approach sex not with a sense of anticipation, but with a sense of anxiety. They worry about how they look, how they are performing, and how much pleasure their partner is experiencing. This level of stress can sometimes be so high that people avoid sex because of fear to disappoint their spouse. With some work, those who feel primarily stress at the prospect of sex can learn to feel safe, loved, and adequate with a loving spouse.
Some people have a naturally low sex drive, and it is just in their nature. It isn’t that they hate sex, it simply doesn’t hold a high level of appeal. Those with a low-sex drive may find that their partners wish they were more interested and may have to take care to reassure their spouse that they are desirable and loved. With a little (fun) effort, those with a low sex drive may find their interest increased when they have more frequent and exciting encounters with their spouse.
For some people, sex is truly a physical act that has a limited emotional connection. They have physical sexual needs but do not tend to express their love or appreciation physically. Those with an unemotional sexual personality may actually prefer masturbation, since it relieves sexual desires efficiently, and there is no need for emotional fulfillment. Unemotional sexual personalities may sometimes inadvertently hurt the feelings of their spouse and partner because they do not necessarily bring love into the bedroom. But, there are many ways to express love, and many ways to encourage expressions of intimacy, even from those who may not be naturally inclined to be sexual and emotional at the same time.
Those with a sampling sexual personality are similar to those with an erotic personality. But, those with a sampling personality are interested in having as many unique experiences as possible, almost like a collector. Often, these desires come from a need to try everything, rather than a true interest in an activity. It can be tricky to settle into a sexual rhythm with someone who is interested in trying it all, but your sex life will never be boring.